Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high, where knowledge is free, where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls, where words come out from the depth of truth where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection.The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give.
Women on dating sites looking for friends? Really? I saw this article online, but I usually like to skim past it and saw tons of comments. There was a BIG debate between the men and women. The women in one corner, only on the dating site "looking for friends".
Yes, on a dating site, looking for "friends only", because the best relationships start off as friends and not some kind of eye-candy for a man to bed. Apparently, there's some correlation that if a man is NOT looking friends on an online dating site that he's just wanting ONE thing. The men were arguing that the women were "doing it wrong" that if you want to make "
Friends" go some place else to do it, volunteeer at an organization, join Meetup, find Apparently, some women tend to used dating sites if they are "new in town" trying to establish a social circle, when in fact they should be looking elsewhere as the men stated that a dating site doesn't serve that purpose.
Some claimed, "I already have my social circle of friends, why would I come here to find more friends?" The women were saying, "That's the problem with men, they are always telling me how I should use this dating site!" So basically it's a huge argument of what peoples' intents are when they come to dating site NOT to date. According to some of the women, "The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Men looking to date, want sex and sex only." Of course, sex will come up eventually, right? Would it be dishonest to NOT to say you desire a woman sexually? That you're attracted? It's like with some of the women there, "How DARE you look at my pictures lustfully!!" Well, yeah, you're cute! Let's meet for lunch! ;-) Then there was the arguement of how if men went along with these women, how badly they'd be taking the one way ticket to the "friend zone" if they did. The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve. Thoughts? Dating Report
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TOP ANSWER I think most women are a pain in the ass - and this debate simply more evidence of that. Being a male, I'll side with the other males in the debate - but not because of gender bias. But because people participating on a dating site should actually be interested in dating - otherwise they are just wasting everyone's time (including themselves) Just say 'next' anytime you see that 'friends 1st/only' in a dating ad - only write to women who seem sincere about meeting a potential romantic partner and not have any silly hang ups or unrealistic expectations about this whole romance thing.
Yes, sex is a part of that - a major part of it in fact -and any woman who is squeamish about sex and get paranoid about it - probably stinks in bed anyhow. Find people with healthier mindset regarding sex and intimacy as something shared between 2 people and not as a reward given for emotional compliance.
AskMen Reader @Hierophant: "Any woman who is squeamish about sex and get paranoid about it"- probably stinks in bed anyhow. Oh Lord, that is a lie you made in your head. Is the other way round sir. There is nothing disgusting about sex at all but women need to uphold certain standards. If you have a sister or a daughter would you want her to jump into bed with some dude before she realize the dude don't want anything serious? So it's okay for a man to have sex and not want commitment but a woman can not go on a date to pass time and chat if she is lonely.
Here come the straw man arguments. lol. Report Reply 1 Agree 1 Disagree 2 years ago Hierophant Wise AskMen Reader @Ababy3: No where did I say women should not have standards. But insisting men jump through hoops while dangling the sex carrot in front of their noses is no way to get an authentic response from a man. What you will get instead are hard up guys who don't think they can do any better bending over backwards to show they want more than just sex....in other words - you only attract doormats with this approach. If that's what you want, more power to you.
And yes, I do find the women who hold sex as a carrot to be rather underwhelming when the time comes. The best lover I ever had is my fiancé who was absolutely fearless in her expression - she felt passion & chemistry and she went with it. And what do you know, we wound up the best of friends anyways. Funny how that can work eh? Sure, it could have blown up in her face...but it resulted in a ring on her finger and a dedicated man. You got to be willing to take a risk and this 'friends 1st' nonsense is a silly way some women try to reduce risk. Ultimately there is no guarantee at happy ever after - even if you try the 'friends 1st' thing. What you do risk with this approach is alienating most men who are interested in dating and limiting your potentials as result.
"If you have a sister or a daughter would you want her to jump into bed with some dude before she realize the dude don't want anything serious?" +As a father to 3 daughters, I'll answer this one..... I want my daughters to grow into healthy women who prefer having sexual intimacy in a manner that fits their needs (I'd prefer it be as part of a committed relationship, but that's for them to decide on their own), but who will not tie their self-worth up in sex to such a degree that they will be left devastated by any guy who doesn't want a relationship with them.
The reality is that any guy my daughters date can dump them at any time, regardless of whether the guy says he wants something serious or not. Every relationship carries risk. My wife has never been really hurt by a guy whom she dated only a few times. The two guys who did hurt my wife the most before I came along were her former boyfriends who broke up with her/cheated on her, both at about the 5-year mark. Being "serious" with a guy didn't save her from heartache.
So the trick is teach them to view sex as a part of the intimacy between two adults in a burgeoning relationship.....not to have them view sex as a bargaining chip that they use in a desperate ploy to trap a man for emotional affection, nor as something they just reject or pretend to ignore altogether from the outset with every guy they meet.
CaliMAn AskMEn Reader @Ababy3: -"So it's okay for a man to have sex and not want commitment but a woman can not go on a date to pass time and chat if she is lonely." +It's about the honesty and integrity of not using people, and about the intelligence and etiquette of going to the appropriate forum for what you want. To the first part.....Yes, I think it is okay for a man to have sex and not want a commitment.....provided he is honest about his intentions. There are plenty of guys (and girls) out there who indicate upfront that they just want sex.
That's not my preferred game, but I am fine if that's what other people want. Be honest that you just want sex, and then let the other person decide. If you just want sex and say so, that's fine. If you truly wanted a serious relationship, but then decide after a few sexual encounters that she's not the one you want to be with, that's fine. A guy who purposefully lies to a girl about wanting a long-term relationship just so he can trick her into a quick lay is NOT okay in my book. There are plenty of women out there who are game for a casual fling, go find one of them. Likewise, it's fine for a girl who is feeling lonely to seek out someone whom she just wants to spend an evening platonically chatting with....The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
.but a DATING website is a horrible venue for that. If you want a friend to pass the time with, go call up one of your ACTUAL friends. You don't need to troll dating sites full of guys whom you should KNOW are looking for a sexual/romantic partner if that's not what you want. Going on a DATE with someone you have no interest in doing anything other than just passing time with is just plain mean and dishonest. I mean, hell, if all these girls really just want a friend, then they should be hitting up all the other women on the dating site and asking them out. The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Which brings me to the second part......I don't bring my basketball to a golf course, stand on the first tee, and ask who wants to shoot some hoops. I don't go to a McDonald's drive thru window, park my car at the front of the line, and ask someone to come rotate my tires for me. So why the f**k are people going to a dating site full of people clearly looking for romantic connections and saying they want platonic friendships only?
There are plenty of other good places to go looking for platonic friends.....dating websites are not appropriate for that, and its just plain rude to the other people there. Report Reply 4 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago Bombtastic Banned @Ababy3: Wow you really pulled some assumptions out of what he was saying. Going on a dating site to find emotional fluffers is unethical that's all he was saying. And he's right any girl that is squeamish about sex and gets paranoid about it...in my experience has been worse than just underwhelming.
AskMen Reader @Bombtastic: However, I can make my own decisions and choose the way I want to live. Edited 2 years ago by the author Report Reply 1 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago Ababy3 AskMen Reader @CaliMAn: I agree with you but I still think it's okay for a woman to look for friends on dating sites if that's what she want to do.
What you are saying is "I still think its ok to misuse a platform for an alternate agenda" by using that logic, its also OK to troll dating sites purely for sex partners? Problem is...men want to avoid women who aren't legitimate dating candidates as much as women want to avoid men who are looking only for sex. Its a stalemate. Easily broken by men to skip women who say 'friends 1st' and women to skip men who try to open dialog with flirty/sexual comments.
Easy enough. But people wanting the world to bend to their whims is rather unrealistic expectation. Like using a 'dating' site to bait and switch men into platonic relationships. They aren't signing up for that - like CaliMan said - if you want friends, reply to the other women's ads and invite them to your house to watch Oprah or something
"I agree with you but I still think it's okay for a woman to look for friends on dating sites if that's what she want to do." +How? No, seriously.....how? I mean, in my post, I explained my position that women who look for friends on dating sides are effectively being dishonest, rude, and obnoxious. So, if you AGREE with me on that--you agree that women seeking out friends on dating websites are being dishonest, rude, and obnoxious--then how do you claim that such behaviors are "okay?" Those are not "okay" things in my book. If they are in yours, then we'll probably have to just agree to disagree, but I am still really curious as to why you think that kind of dishonest and rude behavior from women is acceptable.
I agree with you but I still think it's okay for a woman to look for friends on dating sites if that's what she want to do." Would you post pictures of dogs on a cat site? Report Reply 1 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago Supervillain AskMen Reader "Women on dating sites looking for friends? Really?" No. Not really. This is just typical femlogic bullshit, an excuse to be on there and avoid the "stigma"(?) of having a female libido. No woman ever wants to date a friend and no woman goes to a dating site looking for some chummy puppy boy to go shoe shopping and latte sampling with. Thats what gay men are for.
If you see women on a dating site saying this, avoid them. They have a fear of being in touch with themselves and will be a complete waste of time. Report Reply 3 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago George AskMen Reader @Supervillain: Well you could do what I do and just have sex with them. Easy to remove yourself from the situation as well. Report Reply 2 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago Supervillain AskMen Reader @George
: I do the same sometimes, with the interesting ones. But there's a lot that aren't. They're a waste of time. Report Reply 2 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago kenmele AskMen Reader Some women feel incredibly pressured while dating about the sex question. Pressured that if things do not progress physically they are going to get dropped, and disturbed by thoughts that the men that date them are only being nice to them for sex. They would like to date, find an incredible guy that turns them on, and they can push for sex on their own timetable and with fewer mistakes. But they are poorly communicating that they are not available romantically, and many good guys are saying,"Why bother?"The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Always found it hilarious. "Here to make friends only". Well then, you sure you're in the right place? Besides - it usually just means "only hit on me if you're mighty confident and have something to back that confidence up". I've slept with "friends only" on the first date, they usually just don't want to be judged. The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
There's nothing wrong with looking for a "friend" on a dating site but it is like looking for spare parts for your car in a car dealership. Theoretically, you could find what you are looking for, but in reality, you are in the wrong department. Cali and hiero are making a lot of sense so instead of looking at it as an attack on the entire gender, try reading and comprehend what they are trying to say.
If you want to look for friend, that's perfectly fine, but you have no grounds to be mad at men for not wanting to ( just ) be your friend. They are seeking love, not friendships. However, that is not to say they don't intend to be your friend. They do, but they want more than the friendship and that's perfectly fine. Hiero is right, there are a lot of women out there who are a plain pain in the ass, using sex as a bargaining chip or a rewarding tool. No wonder men are not interested in dating.
I have stopped dating several years ago because the downsides outweigh the benefits. Why should I bust my hump trying to get a girl who thinks that the only thing I'm after is sex???? If you think so little of me or my gender in general, why should I waste my time with you???? If all men are pigs who are just after sex, then why do you bother dating us? If I give you attention, I'm a horny pig. If I don't give you any attention, I'm probably weird, gay, super ultra shy, asexual, scardy cat.
There's no way to please some of you so the best choice is to not do anything at all. If I'm not valued for my efforts, I'll simply move on to something more rewarding such as my career or hobbies. T Report Reply 2 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago Anonymous Original Poster @torstein: Yeah, though this isn't online dating situation. There was this one woman complaining in her profile that she had a guy over at her place, they were watching TV together on her bed. Apparently, he was getting handsy with her and she complained about it on her profile, stating that HE said, "I can't not want to sleep with a woman if I'm laying next to her in bed." She posted, this, publicly mind you, on Facebook...
I commented, "Oh, and if he didn't try to make a move, you'd probably think he's gay or something wrong with him. Either way, he loses! lol" That shut 'er up. Report Reply 1 Agree 1 Disagree 2 years ago torstein AskMen Reader @Anonymous: Attention whoring...... We all have our problems and yet most of us don't feel the need to make it public knowledge. She was just looking for sympathy. I tend to distrust women who try to make themselves look like the victim. There are always two sides to each story. She was laying on bed with a guy watching TV.
For most guys that's like a huge green light saying "I'm here, kiss me please". I mean, what did she expect??? I'm not sure who this chick is, but I don't go lying in bed with girls I have no interest in for this very reason. i just don't want to give them the wrong impression or hurt them for no good reason. This chick sounds like trouble. That kind of whining on social media would make me steer clear from her. T Report Reply 1 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago TheGirlCode AskMen Reader Hey! Okay so here's the thing. I don't think that REAL dating sites ( not POF or any of those other cheesy ones) are a place to meet "friends." There are some dating sites I have been on that has a list of "intentions." These intentions may be in the order of 1.) I am seeking a relationship 2.)I am seeking a long term relationship 3.) I want to date but nothing serious
4.) I am seeking friends etc etc etc I'm sure you get the point. I was having a conversation with a male friend of mine one day and he was very frustrated. He have been on tons of dating websites and apps (FREE) and had no luck. Finally he broke down and paid for an upgrade on one of the dating apps. He was the type of guy who never wanted to spend the extra money to pay for a membership on any dating website he was on. Anyway, to make a long story short he comes to me a couple weeks later in excitement, going on about how he met a new lady from the dating website.The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
And that was last year. They are still together now. He told me that sometimes when people pay for a membership on a dating app/website, that they are more than likely going to be more serious about actually finding someone. And I believe that he is right. Don't get mad at the people who use dating apps/websites to find friends, to hookup or anything. You can't get mad when the website list it as one of the reasons you can be on it in the first place! As someone who has been on a few dating sites myself, I always found that the people who were more serious about actually finding someone were those on a paid site or who paid for their membership in some way.
No one wants to spend money and waste it on nothing. I seen my fair share of men who used "dating sites" for a hookup or a "date but nothing serious" and to find friends. So trust me it's not just the women who do things like this. But of course you wouldn't know that unless you are a bi-sexual and check out other men's pages/profiles. NOW, here's my honest thoughts. I DON'T CARE. I would probably care more if I were younger. But I have grown and gotten allot wiser. I now realize that we are all looking for something.
Cows, cattle, big fat pigs to fly for free, back in time, back in the day, people that fat, did it all the time. Here is a cow that can fly for free, people in their animal faces, that live in the world of green dreams. Rach Jay now, was Rachel Gay Jarrot, first, cali cow went to Colorado to become a Buffalo instead, of a California Girl, or cow in other words. Cali Cow or Rachel Jarrot, made lots of moves from the two states. So The cow flew for free, on her granddaddy dime, free miles to fly for using a credit card, is how that one cow flew for free. Only lasted a year, ran out of free rides on Granddaddy dime, had to stop and get on the bus after that....
Just a second view of how life turn out. Just to let you know that cows, or people that are fat as cow, cows being another word, or label for a *****, or a freaks, or a frog. People and the faces of animals under their skin, 12 in total, here are the two few, snakes in grass, frogs and freaks, cows, and cattle callers, fish out of the seas. Dances with wolves, dances with donkeys in packs, dances with frogs, dances with death, dances for the luck and the love of the heated hearts, lovers and haters. Hats and horn, goats and sheep, donkeys to ride, cows and pigs ride for free, Jewish Rites, tricks and trades, Sheri And Sima Jarrot, mother and naughts, lights of love, lots of luck, lots of hard knocks, lots of lovers, games to play. To blame others, not winners, just losers, boss to say, Chicgo style, rules of the mayor. Liked it a lot, the city, the airport, and the shows....The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Whether it's friendship, to hookup, FWB, just to date or finding a serious relationship. We are ALL looking for something. No matter if you meet at a grocery store, volunteering at the shelter, school or in this case...on a dating site. However you choose to find it is none of my business. In all honesty, there aren't many places to go for the people who simply want to find friends. It's easy to tell these people to "go out in the real world" and find them. But let's be real here men...since when was meeting your partners online a thing of the norm?Think back to just 25 years ago.The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Meeting people online in any fashion was considered very dangerous and it was discouraged. If you can meet potential partners online then why can't you meet friends? Like I said in the beginning. I don't agree with people who go on serious dating websites just to look for a friend. But if you're on one of those cheesy, meet new people, "everyone's welcome" sites then I say....HAVE AT IT. Best of Wishes :-) Report
For example, Match.com, I've heard it's just as bad as any free dating site in getting responses. Thing is, with these PAID datin sites, a lot of women register, but never actually wind up being PAID customers. So paying MEN try to contact what I refer to as "zombie" profiles, only to never have the email read. Because if you're not a PAID subscriber...the person on the other end will get a message, "You got mail!" but "You need to sign up first!!"
That's the catch. Report Reply 1 Agree 0 Disagree 2 years ago eWicked AskMen Reader I was taught to look at things as the glass half full. And I assumed everyone else was well. So I couldn't understand why a guy would want to date me but not be my friend. Maybe other women think that way as well. Also this was well before online dating.
Don't worry I am reformed and understand better the dynamic between men and women. But I do think that some women want to "collect" male friends who can "fill in the blanks" so to speak when their preferred dating horizon is arid. Be thankful then for those who come out and say it. The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Bombtastic Banned @eWicked: Those are called emotional fluffers. I feel bad for the bastards. AskMen Reader I've been on dating sites and will tell you that when I see a page that says "Looking for Friends" I automatically don't take them serious. We go out, hook up (as in have sex) and I either date them a second or third time or just move on. To me it sounds like they are confused on what they want (usually after a recent breakup) or are just looking to sleep around. The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The opportunity of life is to serve.
Since "Looking for Friends" is better than selecting "Casual Relationship" in the drop down most opt for that. If I see someone who is looking for a "Long Term" I take them serious of course. Edited 2 years ago by the author Report Reply 1 Agree 0 Disagree Ask a New Question expand Topic: Ask anonymously ASK By posting you agree that you have read the Community Rules & Guidelines.
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